Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
