this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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