2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
