She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
