I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
