Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
