you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
