once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
