HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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