He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
