How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
