remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
