When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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