who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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