Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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