take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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