She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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