i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
