for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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