Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
