well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
