Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
