Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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