oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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