this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She bit a glass in half.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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