and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
