Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
