I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She said her name was "party"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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