I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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