That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Randomize
