She announced her abortion via fbk
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
