There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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