i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
