Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
