i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
