Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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