you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
