just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
