shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
