i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
