I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
