Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
