two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
