I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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