Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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