I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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