I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
