My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
