your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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