Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
