wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
